That NOTORIOUS Story!
by Sour Schuyler
Summary: Sonic wants to go and have an adventure. Shadow's getting fat. And Tails is only there because they couldn't find anyone else. Also known as The Eggman Serial Killer Story. Yo, Mecha! Here it is!
1. Mmmmmm, ketchup

**Chapter 1: Mmmmmm, ketcup.**

_Cool Fact #1: I absolutely detest cheese, but not pickles. Okay, this was a stupid fact instead of the cool one that I had promised, but just let me get into the swing for a little bit, okay? Thanks._

Warning: I'm gonna rate this about PG10, okay? Okay. So… yeah. I'm not sure what's gonna be in it yet, but, mmm, yep, I'm gonna leave it at that. So sue me. O.O WAIT, DON'T!

Lawyers: Too late! Cackle cackle cackle!

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo! A-hem. I do not own… Sonic the Hedgehog, Super Mario, or Broadway, or the Cookie Jar song, or Bye Bye Birdy, or Vin Deisel. (Ooh mama, I wish I owned him! .)

**This entire fan fiction is dedicated to my friend Mecha Scorpion. Here's your order, with everything you wanted on it: Action, adventure, humor, Eggman killing people, mustard, and no pickles. :D Enjoy. **

"Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to….. The Hedgehog Brothers!" said Sonic, standing on a black leather chair that was twirling around slowly. His head almost hit a low-hanging light, or perhaps a low-hanging light almost hit his head. "So whaddya think? We'd make a great act on Broadway, Shad'."

"But we ain't brothers," Shadow said, pigging out on hot dogs and stuffing his face. The crash to Earth had damaged him a lot, and the ultimate life form had undergone a lot of surgery… As a result, he had lost a lot of weight on the mediocre diet the underpaid hospital staff had "fed" him. ("Eaten in front of him" was more like it. Darn those nurses… especially the fat one with the zit… _Rita…_) He was ravenous like a wild boar that had been trapped in a fishing net for five days, and had been eating constantly for the past three weeks. Where all that food was going… Sonic wasn't sure if he wanted to know.

"Who cares?" Sonic jumped off the chair, knocking it over. Their cat, Snowball, got pegged and screamed. Neither of them paid any attention to the fluffy kitty. "We're gonna be STAHS, Bay-bee!" Sonic shrieked, throwing his hands up into the air wildly and flapping them like a bird. "Stahs! Shriek! Stahs!"

"…You're an idiot, you know that?" Shadow said seriously. "And my name's not Bay-bee. It's not even Bee-Bee, or Ce-Ce, or even Sheila. Especially not Sheila. I hate the name Sheila." The red-striped hedgehog wrinkled his nose daintily. "Such a silly name…"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I guess we just ain't cut out for Broadway super stardom," Sonic concluded sadly, but he then brightened considerably. Shadow raised an eyebrow, wanting to know what's up.

"So let's just do what we do best!" Sonic suggested enthusiastically. His spring green eyes sparkled majestically, catching Shadow's attention. The black hedgehog squealed and clapped his gloved hands in delight, until he realized he didn't have a clue what the his azure-furred friend was talking about.

"Um… and just what is that?" Shadow asked.

"Well," Sonic prompted, "what do you think?"

"Make potty jokes?" Shadow suggested hopefully, gazing at Sonic with adorable large puppy eyes. But, of course, the blue blur had a stronger constitution than that. Besides, it was easy to ignore puppy eyes when sst potty jokes?

"OK!" Sonic acceded. "Um, have you heard this one? 'There was a lonely, desolate hotel somewhere in Alabama…

Five minutes later…

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Shadow burst out in raucous laughter. "Tell another one! It's what we do best, right?"

"Um, did I say that?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. No, no, let me reword that," Sonic insisted.

"'Kay." Shadow sniffled lachrymosely.

"So let's go on an adventure!" Sonic said excitedly, as if the past five minutes hadn't even happened at all. Shadow's expression turned to a bored one. He considered this as he slowly chewed some popcorn now like a phlegmatic cow chewing on a piece of wood that it had mistaken for grass.

"We… (gulp) We would need three people," Shadow observed, chewing ever more slowly. He took another bite of his fat hot dog without finishing his extra-buttery popcorn. Ketchup dribbled down his chin and staining the baby bib his mother had mailed him. It was pink, and had the words 'The Real Slimfast Shadey' written in small, pink cursive letters across the top of it.

"Mmmmmm, ketchup," Shadow said, satisfied. Sonic paid his words no heed. He was a mustard fan himself. But ketchup? Ew, heck no. He's rather take a bath in blood. …Which we all know is now only arrangeable, but would be extremely interesting. . Bloody. Yum.

"Why three?" Sonic asked, genuinely interested.

"Because who's going to be the sidekick?" Shadow pointed out.

"Not me."

"Well not me, either." Shadow took another bite of the hot dog. "Remember? I'm gonna be a _stah." _

"Yeah, yeah," Sonic grumbled. "You were mainly gonna be MY sidekick, you know, my co-star-slash-homie-type-thing. _I'd _be the real talent in the act. I'd be The Amazing Zombo! I'd have my face rot at will!" Sonic beamed and looked proud.

Shadow gave Sonic a purposefully odd look. The blue blur shoulder's rose and fell in a shrugging motion.

"Well, that was what I had planned…" Sonic voiced faltered and trailed off. "Anyway, I'm not going to be your sidekick, that's for sure. I'm always the hero. That's why my latest video game was named 'Sonic Heroes'!"

Shadow crunched on a chili dog, considering this. Then the night black hedgehog spoke carefully, pronouncing each of his next words separately, slowly.

"Theeeeeeeeeen whooooooooooo?"

"Who took the cookies from the cookie jar? YOU took the cookies from the cookie jar!" Sonic shouted, pointing at Shadow accusingly. Shadow looked up at Sonic with shocked crimson eyes.

"Who me? Couldn't be!" he defended himself.

Sonic's glare remained. "Then who?" the cerulean hedgehog demanded. "WHO SHALL BE OUR SIDEKICK? WHO WILL WE TELL, 'Sorry, you can't come, it's too dangerous,' WHO will we blame for all of our mistakes!"

Shadow considered this. "Hmmm… Britney Spears?"

"Nope. Try again."

"Courtney Cox?"

"Have you been watching _Friends_ again?"

"Um no… Joey Wheeler?"

"Uh, that's not a real person."

Shadow stuck his tongue out at Sonic. "Says you!" he said in a detestably whiny voice. Meanwhile, Sonic went on to make his own suggestions.

"I say we get Vin Deisel to be our sidekick. Then the girls would come to us, and we could say, 'Sorry Vin baby, but it's too dangerous for you.' Then the girls would flock to OUR sides!" Sonic's eyes coruscated gaily.

"Nah. Too bald."

"Brad Pitt?"

"Isn't he married?"

"Johnny Depp?"

"Too busy filming _Peter Pan _and _Pirates of the __Caribbean__ 2_."

"Those are coming out!"

"In a theater near you." Shadow thought for a second. "What about someone who actually knows us…"

"You're not suggesting…"

Shadow nodded curtly. The ebony-furred 'hog gulped down another hotdog quickly before looking up at Sonic with wide eyes. Sonic stared at Shadow. Shadow stared at Sonic. Then, both hedgehogs smiled sadistically together, knowing they had their scapegoat.

A little bit later, Shadow and Sonic were dragging in four, furry goats into the apartment. A tall, skinny blonde ran in.

"'Ey!" he shouted in his Brooklyn accent. "Give me back my Scapegoats! I'll need them to defeat Marik and save Mai!"

Joey Wheeler grabbed his cards and ran out of the apartment. Shadow and Sonic stared at each other.

"So…" Sonic started…

…and Shadow finished, "…Who else?"


	2. Knux and the Nutty Message

I don't own Sonic the Hedgehog, Coca-Cola, or anything else you might THINK that I own, like DDR and other cool stuff, but nope I don't own that.

Cool Fact #2: The techno song 'Sandstorm' is featured in Dance Dance Revolution. I love that song.

Any and all review responses will be at the end of the chapter. Thank you!

o0o

Later…

o0o

"Hi guys!" Tails said in his annoying, fake-sounding voice as he came through the door, holding a small suitcase the color of dark mud. "Thanks, you guys, for inviting me."

"Sure thing Tails, no problem!" Sonic said sarcastically, but of course the dumb fox didn't catch on to him. The orange-furred fox really thought he was wholly welcome (the eejit).

"It was really great of you guys. Really!" Tails continued to exult. "I've been wanting to hang out with you guys for what seems like forever! But every time I called, nobody would pick up the phone. Strangest thing! But you just called, so, like, thanks, Sonic! I've missed you so much! This is great!"

"Yeah," Sonic said, "great." His mind was drifting to about forty-five minutes ago.

o0o

Earlier…

o0o

"This is Knuckles, the wicky-wacky pimped-out guardian of the Master Emerald." Knuckles voice sounded a little static-y, Sonic noticed, but he decided to ignore it.

"Shadow, turn that music down!" Shadow made the 'OK' sign and turned down his theme song a little bit. He stood in the background and bobbed his head rhythmically as Sonic talked to their echidna friend.

"Hey, Knux, I—"

"I am not here right now, as I am thwarting another one of the sexy evil – I mean just plain evil Rouge's criminal plans to make out – I mean OFF with MY emerald. So, I hope you do—I mean fare—well without me, whatever reason you needed me!" Sonic and Shadow listened to the dial tone, their jaws dropped down to the floor.

"Ouch," said Shadow, rubbing his jaw.

"What the heck!" Sonic exclaimed, laughing. "Knucklehead likes bat girl!" Shadow laughed too, a more evil laugh. Then they both laughed.

"WAHA!" Sonic burst.

"Muahaha," Shadow chuckled evilly.

"MUAWAHAHAHAHA!" They both leaned against each other, their shoulders shaking in laughter.

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!"

"Eh, Sonic?"

"Yeah."

"We should stop laughing now and find somebody else."

"Ok."

"Just then, Yu-Gi-Oh came on! And there was a semi-short, blonde person on the screen, screaming, 'D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!' " Shadow screamed.

"Uh, Shadow?" Sonic looked at his black furry friend doubtfully.

"Yes Sonic?" Shadow threw him a lilting smile.

"Why are you narrating?"

Shadow's smile fell. "It is my secret wish to be a narrAYtor," he confessed.

"Oh," Sonic said. "Really?"

Shadow fell over. "I just SAID so!" he pointed out. "Anyway, why don't we ask that guy?"

Sonic looked to the screen. Yami Motou was busy tossing cards at his opponent, and squawking, "DUEL! DUEL!"

"Owch!" Bandit Keith cried on the screen. "Owch! Geez! Paper cuts! OWWWW! THEY BUUUUURN!"

"DUEL! DUEL!"

"Uhm…" Sonic shook his head. "How about no?"

"Aw, alright," Shadow said sadly. "So I guess there's only one other person left…"

Sonic sighed. "Yeah…"

"Ben Affleck."

Sonic gave Shadow an 'are-you-crazy' look? "Are you crazy?" he said, just to accentuate his expression.

"Yes, and I'm also hungry. You call Tails while I make more hot dogs."

"Make 'em chili dogs!" Sonic wailed, reaching for the phone.

o0o

Back to "Now"…

o0o

Sonic eyed Tails wearily. The orange fox was tinkering with some kind of handheld contraption. It looked like a Nokia N-Gage.

"Leave it to the geekster to get the most horrible handheld system ever made!" Sonic sighed exasperatedly. Tails looked up, his azure eyes full of naïve curiousity.

"What did you say Sonic?" he asked innocently.

"Nuthin', Tails." Sonic played it cool and sauntered over to the counter and grabbed a Coca-Cola.

This was gonna be a looooong trip.

o0o0o0o0o

Mecha Scorpion: Well of _course _I dedicated it to you. :P Glad that you were happy. Eggman wasn't in this chapter, but soon--!

metaldragon75767: You mean Yami? Alright, done. I also have an idea to put him in AGAIN, as well, so don't you worry.


	3. Song 69 Oomph

Alors! I have updated. More fuel for Mecha Scorpion's… uh… mechanical, fuel-storage thingy. After much deliberation, I've decided to just leave the lyrics to the song in. Thanks to all for reviews. I do not own Seinfield, Chicago, Michael Jackson, Britney Spears, or her song "I've Got That (Boom, Boom)". And I don't own the Simpsons.

Michael Jackson and Britney Spears own themselves. Seinfield is property of Jerry Seinfield, I should think. As stated above, "I've Got That (Boom, Boom)" belongs to Britney Spears. And, off the top of my head, the Simpsons belongs to Matt Groening. :)

Again, remember, PG10!

Warning: This chapter's PG content includes two examples of explicit lyrics, character death and one sexual innuendo. You have been warned.

Cool Fact #3: "69" is a… okay, nevermind. --#

Eggman vs. Knuckles

"You'll never get away with this, Eggman!" Knuckles shouted, shaking his gigantic fist at the super-sized egghead. He was standing over a floor of thickly meshed metal that threatened to give way at any time. Lava oozed below, and puffs of steam buzzed around his face like Tinkerbell the door-to-door vacuum salesgirl. Other than the floor, which seemed to be glowing, the room was impossibly dim.

"And what makes you say that?" Eggman taunted from inside his big, ugly robot. "I've already got everything you cared about, don't I? Rouge, the Emerald, _and _the deed to Angel Island." Eggman smirked. "Yup, I'd say that I've finally done something right for a change."

"You tell him, honey!" Rouge cheered. Eggman smiled.

"I will, dear!" Eggman turned back to the orange echidna. "So, we do you still wanna resist me, huh Knucklehead?"

"That wasn't a grammatically correct sentence," the echidna considered.

"Oh, hush. Do you still want to resist me? You can't possibly win!" Eggman laughed, his chins bouncing uproariously.

"Do you really wanna know, Egghead?" Knuckles menaced. The tremendously fat man paused, and thought this over.

"Well, sure! That would be great! What do you think, honey?" Eggman turned to Rouge. Rouge, who had been gazing innocently/sadly at Knuckles while her husband wasn't looking, turned to the gigantic egghead.

Her lip trembled, and tears sprang to her eyes.

"Oh, Eggman!" Rouge ran over and hugged his leg tightly, as she couldn't even dream of actually hugging him around the waist. Knuckles' jaw dropped. What did she _see _in that guy? Well, actually, that was obvious; he suspected that the sparkling ring she had on her finger was made of a small shard of the _real _Master Emerald. If that was true, he had to defeat Eggman and gather the rest of it. Then he could deal with his double-crossing girlfriend.

Knuckles set his jaw tight, and looked at Eggman with an expression so grim, so serious, that somewhere out there an aspiring author writing an OOC fan fiction with a silly Knuckles just stopped and gave up.

"Okay, Eggman. Here we go." Knuckles cracked his knuckles, and suddenly the lights when dim and a purple spotlight washed over him. Then a white one. Then suddenly, a dozen girls in frilly, purple bikinis with blue-and-white polka dots appeared behind him – along with one random man in a speedo. He was later identified as Jerry Seinfield.

The girls then opened their eyes. All of them were blue-eyed and blonde. They sang, in eerie unison:

"He had it comin'! He had it comin'! He only had himself to blame!" They stepped forward two steps, clacking their tap shoes against the floor loudly.

"If you had been there! If you had seen it! I betchu you would've done the same!"

Knuckles looked at them, alarmed. "No, no, ladies! This isn't that! This is the OTHER song! Song 69!"

"69?" somebody asked.

"Yeah, 69," another girl answered.

"Ooh, how great! I _love _69!" another very enthused girl cheered. Knuckles smiled.

"Okay, ladies, here we go!"

Jerry Seinfeld opened his mouth wide, and shouted:

"Shorty! We gonna go to the club and get crunk with Britney! Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Ying Yang, Ya Who? Britney."

Knuckles looked irate at the name mix-up. "It's KNUCKLES!" he shouted.

"SHORTY! She think she fine, fine enough to blow your mind. Shorty! She think she bad. Get on the floor and shake dat ass, Shorty! She think she fine, fine enough to blow your mind. Shorty! She think she bad. Get on the floor and shake dat ass!"

Knuckles then puts on a cowboy hat. I would say that it was THE hat, from the movie, but I have sadly never seen it.

"That's not cool."

Don't I know it.

Knuckles then declared, "Yeah, this is for all the southern gals out there. Check this out."

"Oh, she's a guy? Oops. I guess that was a faux-pas," Seinfeld twittered.

Knuckles then started to do the Cha Cha Slide while singing, "I see you looking my way, and I know that you have something to say. Watching every inch of my body, like you wanted to PLAY! So here we go! Boom, boom, girl you look so sezy, boom, boom, girl you look so sezy--"

"Sezy?" Eggman inquired inquisitively. Knuckles stopped and looked flustered.

"Just deal with it," he recommended. "I'm gonna say that a lot."

"Oh, okay." Eggman resumed watching Knuckles make a fool of his'self.

Knuckles did the moonwalk. "I begin to dance, just a little bit... to turn you on. (Yeah, I got that!)" Knuckles struck a pose, and then shook his hips, singing:

_"I_ got that BOOM, BOOM, that you want. Watching me all night long hurry up before it's gone _I_ got that BOOM, BOOM that you want. I don't think you should wait one minute might be too late."

"WAIT A SECOND!" Eggman roared. Knuckles stopped doing the moonwalk.

"Yes?" he asked, feigning niescence, a sweet, angelic smile playing on his falsely innocent echidna face.

"So you're telling me that the reason MY plan can't fail is because YOU can imitate Michael Jackson?" Eggman put his hands on his abnormally large hips.

"And Britney Spears," Knuckles made a point of pointing out. "And I can do the Cha Cha Slide to boot! At the same time even!"

"Hm, I suppose you're right," Eggman said, rubbing his chin. "That _is _pretty powerful…" Then he grinned wickedly. "But I can imitate… Dr. Frankenstein! Muahaha, Muahaha, MUAHAHAHA!"

"Heeheeheeheehee!" Rouge cackled impishly.

"MUAHAHAHAHA!"

"HEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!" Eggman imitated the wicked witch of the West.

"HOHOHOHOHO!" Rouge imitated Kodachi Kuno.

"Ha-ha!" Knuckles said, imitating that kid from the Simpsons. Eggman and Rouge stopped.

"Why on Earth are you laughing?" Eggman said, openly perturbed. "I just announced that I am going to _kill _you."

"But you're going to use my dead body parts to make zombies. That's cool," Knuckles grinned. Eggman face faulted.

"Yes, I suppose so…"

Rouge, the expert jewel thief and spy, shook her head.

"Boys," she lamented scornfully, and wrapped her black wings tighter around her in an attempt to get warm in the chilly room. Just imagining that creep Michael Jackson left her with goosebumps all over. Ick.

Knuckles grinned goofily. "Well, see ya!" He turned to run, but there were large, shiny robots surrounding him.

"Oh crud." Knuckles gulped, knowing he was doomed.

"Sayonara, Knuckles, the echidna! Muahahahahahahahahaaaa!" Eggman pressed a large red button that said "Do Not Push" just netherward of it. One of the huge, white robots grabbed Knuckles left arm. Another one grabbed his right.

"Hey! What the—" Knuckles strained his arms trying to get loose. "It's too strong!" he narrated. "I can't get free!"

Eggman smirked evilly. "Oh, good! I was wondering whether you could break free or not. If you were able to, I was going to have _those _robots let go of you momentarily so I could get bigger robots to come and grab you. I guess you could've escaped during that time, though, so it's a good thing you told me you couldn't get free!" He coughed. "I mean, that's right, Knuckles. And as soon as I pull this switch… you'll never see daylight again! Wa ha ha ha ha!"

Eggman used his machine to jump to safety, just as he pressed the button. The floor slid open, revealing the hot magma below. "Wa ha ha ha ha!" he laughed. Rouge, startled, fluttered up to join him.

"Hey you big idiot! You didn't even warn me!" She kicked his robot body with the toe of her boot. "Ouch!"

"Sorry, dear," Eggman apologized.

The white robots' arms protruded further out from their bodies, lengthening, as they flew to the sides of the room. Soon Knuckles was left dangling in the middle of the room, hoping for once that the robots would never let go.

"No!" he screamed like a child who was just told he couldn't receive a certain toy from Toys 'R' Us. "No no no no no no no!"

--

o.o;


	4. My, Grandma, how fast you read!

I do not own Teletubbies, Little Red Riding Hood, Lord of the Rings, The Return of the King, Harry Potter and/or the Order of the Phoenix, property of J.K. Rowling. I also do not own Singing in the Rain or the Wall Street Journal, although I will (oh yes I will!) in the near future. (It's all part of my plan to take over the world.)

I do own Mrs. Granny Hedgehog.

Also, for part 2 of this chapter (I combined 2 chapters to make this one,) I do not own Robin Williams or Arnold Schwarzenegger (can't spell that), Ranma ½, (property of Rumiko Takahashi) but I do own Granny Hedgehog, Sonic's mom! …I mean grandmom. I've already pointed that out, haven't I.

And, of course, I do not own Sonic the Hedgehog, which belongs to SEGA.

Cool Fact #4: 'Singing In The Rain' is a movie about a movie. How complex is that?

"So, we got everything?" Sonic asked. Shadow squinted and scrutinized the rather absurdly long checklist. It fell all the way to the floor, and across the living room, where it did three loops around the couch then made its way down the hall to the bathroom.

"I think so," Shadow said slowly, "but maybe we should run through it, one more time. You know, just to make sure."

"Sure!" Sonic agreed. Tails nodded vigorously, his two tails twirling behind him.

"'Kay!" Shadow pointed with a gloved hand at the first item on the considerable list. "First and foremost on the list, sunglasses with 100 UV ray protection!"

"Check!" Shadow, Sonic and Tails all put on their ultra-cool shades.

"So cool," Shadow whispered.

"Gotta look cool!" Sonic boasted.

"So hip," Tails murmured. Shadow tut-tutted, and Sonic momentarily took off his glasses to give him a look that patently asked, "How whack are you, brudda!" without vocalization.

"So, next on the list is…" Shadow took off his shades to be able to read Tails' small, neat cursive.

"Ha ha! You're not cool anymore!" Sonic laughed. He had already replaced his shades to regain his ultra-coolness.

"Shut up!" Shadow snarled. "Next on the list is… is…" Shadow face faulted, and stared blankly at the list.

"A teletubbies blanky?"

Sonic's eyes lit up. "Twinkie!" The blue blur zoomed to his room, leaving a trail of dust. He returned two seconds later with Twinkie.

Twinkie wasn't really a teletubbies blanky, oh no. He had stars in the corners, and little blue threads created stitched designs down his sides. In the middle of 'him' there was a round circle, like the circle in the middle of the Japanese flag, except it was all white.

"Twinkie?" Shadow asked incredulously, sounding very much like an indignant cheese connoisseur who had just been told that the bleu cheese he had sampled was Swiss by an amateur.

"What'd you name it after, Sonic?" Tails asked mechanically. Shadow wrinkled his nose.

"Twinkies," Sonic explained, "the only substance to ever survive a nuclear explosion."

"Huh?"

"Nothin'. Let's just keep goin'." Sonic stuffed Twinkie into his side pocket – yes, that's right, into his FUR, since he has no pockets.

"Where are you keeping it?" asked the kitsune in amazement.

"Hey! Invasion of privacy there, bub!" the azure hedgehog complained.

"Sorry."

"Thas'okay." Sonic said this while secretly putting Tails on his hit list.

"Okay, next on the list is…" Shadow was now wearing his reading glasses, and was all dressed up like the wolf from Little Red Riding Hood, "the Wall Street Journal."

"Gotta keep track of my stocks!" Sonic said enthusiastically. Shadow stared at him.

"Sonic, we don't need that."

"Yes we do!"

"The stock market will hold up an extra day or two, Sonic, I promise you!" Shadow assured loudly.

Sonic's face fell, and he sighed. "Sigh…

"Okay. So we don't need Dave." Sonic threw the newspaper back. On the very front of it, in big bold letters, it said, STOCK MARKET CRASHES DUE TO FOURTH WORLD WAR. Unfortunately, the blue blur did not happen to glance upon this headline. He turned and looked at Shadow defiantly.

Shadow stared nonchalantly right back.

"We also don't need Twinkie."

"Donchu be talkin' 'bout my momma!" Sonic warned, slapping his hip. "Ohhhh! Ohhh!"

"She's not your momma!" Tails said in a screechy voice. Shadow cringed.

"No, sonny, I am! …Your grandmamma, at least," a little ol' hedgehog wearing thick reading glasses and dressed like the grandmother from LRRH.

"LOTR!" Tails exclaimed. "I'm a HUGE Legolas fan!"

"No, no, no, Tails! LRRH!" Shadow explained with renewed passion. "Little Red Riding Hood! Stop reading the narrations!"

"Oh." Tails' face fell. "Well, that's cool, I guess…"

"My, my," Mrs. Hedgehog said, "what's all the fuss about? Here, sonny, have 'The Return of the King'. Finished it last night after rereading 'Order of the Phoenix.'"

"Wow, Ma!" Sonic was in awe of his grandmother's super-speedy reading capabilities. Who cares if she wasn't fast on her feet? Her ability to speed-read was the envy of college students everywhere.

"Now, little sugar," Mrs. H pointed to Shadow expectantly, "don't we have a Little Red Riding Hood audition to get to?"

"Right you are, Granny." Shadow took the elderly woman's arm, and the went skipping down the street via 'Singing in the Rain'.

"What tha?" Sonic gasped. "HEY YOU! SHADOW! You can't try out for a play NOW! You barely even know the STORYLINE for Little Red Riding Hood!"

Tails stopped sucking on the tips of his tails (a bad habit he'd picked up when he was just a wee wisp of a thing) and looked at Sonic curiously. "He doesn't?" he repeated, incredulous.

Sonic nodded. "I was reading Little Red Riding Hood to him, and he kept asking, 'When do the squirrels come in?' and 'What about the Schwartz?' and my personal favorite, 'Why doesn't Arnold make a good governor!' But I… Hey, wait! He's getting away!" Sonic shook his gloved foot at his retreating ebony-furred friend. "STOP HITTING ON MY MOM! …ACTUALLY THAT'S MY GRANDMOM! …Dang it… I guess we'll have to wait until he's back…. Crap."

"How can you mistake your grandma for your ma?" Tails asked, raising one eyebrow. Sonic glared at him.

"Don't patronize _me,_" he spat. Then he sighed, and wiped his hand across his face. "…Look," he said, "Let's just play tennis or something… I have some cool tennis skirts we can slip into. No one has to know…"

Now it was Tails' turn to return the look that so clearly asked the tacit question, "How whack are you, brudda!"

_Trois heures après… _

"I can't understand that," complained Sonic.

"Fine," Tails said. "I'll change the code so that it reads in English."

_Three hours later… _

"Weeeee're back!" Shadow announced as he strolled into the room.

"Finally!" Tails exclaimed monotonously. "Did you make it?"

"Naw," Shadow said, suddenly moody, "I lost to Robin Williams."

"Dang!" Sonic exclaimed, in awe. "What part did he get?"

"Uh…" Shadow looked at a cast list. "…Guy in village number two."

"Oh…" Sonic whispered to Tails loudly behind his hand, "Small part." Shadow glared, as Sonic had been whispering quite loud. Sonic started to whistle innocuously.

"That's already, sweetie," Granny Hedgehog (yes, that's her real name) cooed. "You'll make it next time, I promise!"

"But how do you know, sensei?" Shadow looked up at her in awe.

"Because, grasshopper, you're hot! And girls will do anything for a bishonen!" Granny skipped out of the room. "Ta-ta!"

Sonic's jaw hit the floor.

"She's such a sweet little lady," Shadow told Tails, "with spunk. She arm-wrestled Arnold Schwarzenegger while we were there. He was trying out for the woodcutter. He got the part." Shadow sighed. "Oh well. At least he can do something…"

"A-HUMPH!" Both fox and ebony hedgehog turned to regard Sonic. "While you two were talking, I took the liberty of checking off everything else on the list."

"That's speedy," Shadow commented. Sonic gave him a cheesy grin.

"Yeah, I know. That's because I am _so fast. _I am like _lightning. _I am like _wind._" Shadow coughed politely. "…Sorry. Anyway," Sonic continued, going through the list, "we've got our toothbrushes, toothpaste, sports car and our Ranma ½ manga, and our five 3 ½ inch floppy disks." Sonic looked up. "But we're out of mascara. Sorry, Shadow."

"S'okay," Shadow replied. Tails looked at him curiously.

"What do you need mascara for?" he inquired inquisitively.

"It's hard to be a goth," Shadow replied mysteriously. Tails gulped.

"Oh."

"And now!" Sonic said. "The last item on the list, is—"

"Did you get my mascara yet?" Shadow demanded, raising his eyebrows slightly. Sonic looked at him, extremely aggravated.

"No!" he snapped. "You said you didn't need any! And now—"

"That was ten seconds ago!" Shadow tried to look pathetic. "I need some _now! _Please?"

"…You look like a cow."

Shadow threw something at Sonic, spitting the word 'idiot' in Japanese. "NOW!" he screeched. The Blue Blur sighed before rushing out of the room, leaving behind a trail of dust and the word 'ZOOM' written in white, Comic Sans font.

"Weird," Shadow commented, mellowed.

"It's very weird," the two-tailed kitsune commented. "It's been over two chapters, and the real plot hasn't even started yet. Wow…"

"It looks like we're about to have a subplot."

"Yeah, we get those a lot…" Tails said, as if he was commenting on the weather. "So what do you want to do?"

Shadow shrugged. "Well, I'm going to eat a triple cheeseburger. But after that… How about Chinese Checkers?"

"That sounds great!" Tails replied. "An afterwards, we can watch aerobics videos!"

"I don't think that's going to be happening," Shadow said gently, not wanting to hurt the kawaii kitsune's feelings.

"Awww…" Tails' eyes watered.

"I MEAN," Shadow suddenly said too loudly, "of course we can!"

Tails sniffled kawaiily. "'Kay…"

Shadow looked at Tails grimly. Even if the sapphire-eyed fox was a little geeky, he WAS their guest. And guests had to be treated with respect. Besides, you never know. Tails could turn out to be an okay person. /seemingly Shails references

Shadow looked up, and out the window, his sad eyes reflecting the clear blue sky. His thoughts of Tails being a chum confirmed his dwindling sanity. He wondered how soon Sonic would get back…


	5. Subplot! The Search for the Mascara!

Cool Fact #6: "Mascara" is actually a verb. Mascara, mascaraed, mascaras, mascaraing. Yup, it's all true. Try it out.

I don't own Sonic the Hedgehog (owned by SEGA) or the movie SUPERNOVA, and I do NOT own the noodle dance. Or Spongebob Squarepants. Yu-Gi-Oh (Kazuki Takahashi) Heero Yuy, Yu Yu Hakusho, and Futerama (I love you Matt Groening) also do not belong to me.

Snively is from the Sonic Archie Comics, Herb is my character, and the queen of France likes cheese. So now! You SHALL read on!

Sexual innuendos and oatmeal cookies. You've been warned, brudda.

"Now, if I wanted to mascara, where would I go?" Sonic asked himself, racing past a _Victoria's Secret _store. Next to the store was a large billboard with a picture of a human mascaraing herself, with large white letters proclaiming "COME HERE, STUPID". Sonic rushed right past it and about twenty other signs saying various things from "Come hither" to "Right over here, bad boy" and "Thataway".

"Hmm… I dunno!" Sonic wailed, "I'm so conf00zled!" Suddenly, Sonic heard a mysterious voice wailing… or at least he thought it did. Sonic tensed; it was hard to hear anything over the rushing of the wind going past his ears at like a bajillion miles an hour.

"Swowdowww…" the voice moaned.

"WHAT?" Sonic screamed. The voice sweat dropped, if such a thing is possible.

"Swoooow doooow!"

"WHAT?"

"SWOW DOWN STUPID!"

"Huh?"

"Sonic Ramses Albert T. Hedgehog II, slow the heck down!" Amy Rose screeched. Sonic skidded to a halt just in front of her.

"Yes my sweet?" Sonic asked, gesticulating intricately with his hands. "My fragrant flower? My blossom? My peach pie? My Spongebob? My—"

"Shut up, would you?" Amy glared at him.

"But Amy!" Sonic wondered amazedly, "how in the world did you get here?"

"I'd rather not say," Amy said airily with a flair. She said it flairily! XD Okay, bad joke, I know. LOL!

…

Bwahaha!

…

"Why would you rather not say?" Sonic inquired, still gesticulating rapidly with his hands. He was… translating everything he said into sign language, so that the old lady next to them that looked like she was either sleeping or dead could understand. (Sweat drop. O.o;;) The old lady gave him a thumbs up.

"Because… I just shouldn't!" Amy turned around, sticking her nose in the air. "My fiancé, Herb Ivoré IV, wouldn't like it if I talked to other guys. …Now, wait, actually, that's just me," Amy realized, startled, and she turned around to Sonic and blurted, "I'mworkingforthegovernmentonasecretmission."

"WHAT?"

"I'm working for the government on a secret mission," Amy said against calmly, her face expressionless.

"WHAAAAAT?"

"I'M WORKING FOR THE GOVERNMENT!"

"On a secret mission!" the old lady next to them pointed out. Amy Rose sweat dropped.

"Oops, hehe, you weren't supposed to hear that."

"Half the town heard you, honey."

"Oh. Dang."

"That's okay, honey. Here, have a cookie." The nice little old lady whipped out a pan full of fresh, nice-smelling oatmeal cookies. "Well heck, have a dozen, if you'd like!"

"Thanks!" Amy smiled appreciatively and grabbed one.

"No thanks," Sonic said abstinently.

"Awww, but they're gooooood," the old lady pleaded, waving them in front of his face. o.O It's a wonder that the cookies didn't fall off the sheet! Sonic hesitated, and then changed his mind. "Okay!"

The blue blur of Mobius reached for one, too, until the odor of the cookies wafted into his nose.

"AAAAAGH! OATMEAAAAL!" Sonic screamed. He grabbed Amy and ran at super sonic speed down the street.

"SoniIIIiiiiIIIIiiiic!" Amy screamed.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" Sonic screeched back, annoyed. As he turned his head around so he could look at her, going still at breakneck speed, a ton of GUN robots popped out of the bushes.

"SAVE THE WHALES!" the all cheered rather happily. "Wooooohooooooo!"

"oO;; Are they high?" Amy asked.

"The world may never know," Sonic said mysterious. "Now, let's go, babe!"

Suddenly, the robots got very angry.

"What? You don't WANNA save the whales?" one of them demanded.

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?" another one screamed. "(Hiccup!)"

"Oi," Sonic said, slapping his forehead, and then, "owch." He grabbed Amy's hand. "Come on, Amy!" Then he ran down the street.

STAGE 01: DOMINO STREET

MISSION: FIND YUGI MOTOU!

"o.O; Nani?"

"Well, this is just great!" Amy quipped.

"I'm ecstatic," Sonic replied dryly. He was now carrying Amy, and, in an attempt to make it look less PDA-ish, was holding her high above his head.

And his arms were TIRED, dang it!

"Surrender! In the name of pie!" a G.U.N. robot screamed.

"No way!" Sonic said. He then ran through an question mark.

"Maybe we should distract them before we attack!" Amy suggested.

"I'm on it!" Sonic declared. "Just leave it to me!" (Sonic Heroes Quote #1)

"Hey!" Sonic suddenly skidded to a stop, nearly tossing Amy into the wind. ("Whoa!" Amy shouted, waving her arms around wildly in the air, her legs dangling.) Sonic caught her swiftly and then turned around quickly, all at supersonic speed – thus the words _swift _and _quick._

"Hey, I've been wonderin'!" Sonic explained. "Are you guys just robots, or humans _in _robots? You're humans inside those machines, aren't you?"

All of the robots stopped and got in thinking poses.

"Hmmmm…."

"Zzzzz…."

"Duhhh…"

"Noodle! Use your noodle! Noodle! Do the noodle dance!" One robot danced clunkily along with the lyrics of the beloved song. He looked just like a miniature version of Heero Yuy's Gundam Suit. (don't know the name of it, can't somebody please tell me: Please)

"D'OH!" The head robot screamed, "GET THEM, YOU IDIOTS!"

"You don't have a snowballs chance in heck, me matey!" Sonic said, taking out a pirate sword and putting on an eyepatch. He then threw the sword to one side, and used the homing attack to defeat all of the gun robots.

"Grr… but you won't take me down!" the head robot snarled.

"Oh yeah?" Sonic said. "We'll see about that, bub!" Sonic then ran towards the robot, but it then took out a gigantic light saber!

"HA HA HAAA! Let's see you take on THIS!" the human inside the machine/the robot/remote control operated thingamajig proclaimed, cocking his sword to one side.

"O.O;; Oh man…. What to do, what to do?" Sonic hastily ran through a different question mark. (The question marks, if you haven't guessed already, are from Sonic Heroes.)

"It's not nice to tease my friends!" a voice rang out clearly.

"Huh?" Sonic screamed for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

"Heeeya!" A huge, shadowy form belly-dropped on top of the head G.U.N. machine. "Feels great!" Sonic and Amy gaped at the figure, Sonic's lower lip twitching slightly. Then the huge figure pushed himself up with a groan and waddled away.

"…Huh?" Sonic started to say something else, but his sexy preteen goddess, Amy, grabbed his hand and dragged him away. The next thing he knew, he smelled something odd…

"Chlorofoam," he started to say, but his vision was fuzzy. "Uhh….review all of Sour Schuyler's stories, please." Then he fainted.

_Your attention… _

I like apple cobbler. And so does Sonic. Coincedence? Prob-ly so!

_Hm, well that sucked. I should fire the author. Oh wait, that's me. _

"So, Shadow," Tails said, slowly making a house of cards, "what was it like living up in ARK?"

"Fun!" Shadow said, doing lots of flips over a metal bar that just happened to be in the middle of the messy living room. It looked like a magazine rack had exploded in there. "There was always lots of fun things to do! Like being breast-fed from a bottle! No wait, not that, that's notpossible… And dancing in the no-Gravity zone!"

"Like in the movie **Supernova**?" Tails asked, suddenly interested.

"Precisely!" Shadow affirmed.

"Cool!" Tails went back to creating a life-size model of the Empire state building built out of Tinker Toys, blatantly ignoring the fact that Shadow had just said something way out of character, and that he had said 'cool' even though **Supernova **was a sucky movie.

"Hey wait a second," Shadow considered. "That was a sucky movie…"

"Oh yeah!" Tails agreed.

:) There we go Shadow. There we go.

_Back where things are at least remotely interesting… I hope…_

Rouge was bored. The sleek, white jewel thief skimmed through some Yu Yu Hakusho fan fictions featuring Hiei/Kurama slash, and/or shounen-ai, whatever you like to call it. She yawned out of boredom. The story she reading wasn't very good, and she was in need of some excitement.

"Ma'am!" Rouge turned around to see OMEGA and DELTA.

"What is it, 'Meggy?" Rouge asked sweetly, smiling at her compatriots. DELTA sniggered at his comrade's nickname, so OMEGA promptly and maliciously knocked him over.

"We have received word that Agent Amy Rose is heading this way! As an enemy agent, it is your duty to ''take her out''!"

"To dinner?" asked Rouge, quite surprised. "You do realize that I'm not quite that way, don't you? After all, I'm married now, so wouldn't that technically be illegal? Not to mention illicit."

"Yes, ma'am. Take out — code wording for kill, also an idiom — Amy Rose, or else there may be dire consequences," OMEGA told her. DELTA got back up and tried to push OMEGA over, but the larger robot stepped on him. "HA, HA HA, HA HA HA! Worthless consumer models!" (Sonic Heroes Quote #4 Where were the others ones? Figure it out!)

"Oh, okay." Rouge stood up and left.

…………….DELTA and OMEGA started making out as best they could. It ending up looking like something from Futerama, with sparks flying everywhere. Then Dr. Eggman entered the room.

"OO WHAT THE HECK?" Dr. Eggman's jaw dropped. "I didn't program you two to do that!"

"Um…" DELTA said in a robotic voice. Imagine a robot saying this: "Am I going to die now?"

"Sir," OMEGA began to explain, "we were merely trying to make our skin creamy smooth by rubbing off all of the dead skin cells."

"Oh! Okay then!" The bloated buffoon left the room. The stainless steel automatic door closed. OMEGA pressed a big, blue button, and jails bars fell in front of the door. Him and DELTA then went back to making out.

Eggman strolled boredly down the hall… then it hit him.

"Ow!" Eggman picked up the rock and threw it back at Snively. "SNIVELY! You better be careful, or you're toast."

"Yes sir," said the scrawny villain from the Archie Comics. "It—it won't happen again sir, I can asseverate to you sir!"

"Asseverate?" Eggman frowned. "Are you hitting on me?"

"No; I meant I can assure you it won't happen again."

"Oh. Whatever, Snively, just listen up. Now, our next mission is… Hey, wait! ROBOTS DON'T HAVE SKIN!"

"Hee hee hee," Delta laughed at his creator back in the room. Omega laughed along with him. They then went to a place labeled 'SPA'.

_OO Um… how about a scene that's a little less interesting than that?_

"Thanks, Rodney," the old lady who had given Sonic and Amy cookies cackled, "they'll never know what hit them… Mwee hee hee!"

"You're welcome ma'am!" a benign Omochao thanked her, "but my name's not Rodney!"

The old woman peered down the street to see Amy and Sonic. The two of them were fleeing down an alley. Sonic was leading the way, untiiiiiiiiiiil Amy took out a copper pipe and knocked him upside the head with it.

". Owch…" Sonic twitched, twitched. Amy looked up and grinned at you cheesily, running a hand through her fluffy, pink hair.

"Remember, kids, lead pipes are illegal! Use copper instead!" Amy then swishes her hair. "Swish, swish!" (Inside Joke #1 )

"Birdies always say," Sonic moaned, before passing out. Amy grabbed his limp body by the arm. "Come on!" She dragged him down a dirty alley, giving him numerous cuts from a myriad of glass bottles and cat claws attached to sleeping cats. >. Ooh.

Soon she dragged him into a room. Amy slammed the thick wooden door shut. The door, it was like something out of Shrek – slabs, sticking out at the top and bottom, and looking all wet. A large metal bar bolted them all together, and yet the door still looked really flimsy. The door slammed with a SLAM! But you obviously already knew that.

"Darn you Sonic," she whispered menacingly. "Wake up!" Amy started to roughly shake him. "Wake, up, dangit!"

"Oh ow wow ow wow ow wow ow!" Sonic shouted, "Amy, stop!"

And so she did, and it was good. (Bible rip-off. Don't tell God!)

"Quiet, moron!" she commanded him. She dropped Sonic to the ground, and he landed firmly on his butt.

"Hey!"

"Shut up!" Amy whispered heatedly. "Now, listen up and listen good. Make these next few words indelible in your mind, okay?" Sonic raised his hand, causing the fluffy, pink hedgehog to sigh exasperatedly. "What, Sonic?"

"What's _indelible _mean?" Sonic asked curiously. Amy slapped him hard. "OW!"

_"It means just don't forget what I'm saying okay?" _Amy took a deep breath. "Now, Sonic."

"Yes?"

"Sonic!"

"YES?"

"SONIC!"

"YES!" Sonic shouted, "YES! YES! YES!"

Amy sweatdropped. "Uh…"

"YEEEEEEEEEESSSSS!"

"SONIC!" Amy slapped him so hard his future kids felt it.

"What was that?" they wondered. "A mosquito? Geez!"

"WHAAAAAT?" Sonic screamed. Amy eyed him critically.

"Shut up, Sonic Ramses Albert T. Hedgehog II!" Amy shouted harshly. "Just shut up, would you? Now listen! The whole reason I'm a secret agent is so I can get into F.A.T.!"

"But Amy," Sonic said conf00zledly, "you're not fat—"

"Damn right I'm not!" Amy gave Sonic a particularly nasty glare. Our hero cowered. --;; Oh wow. The people of Mobius must feel soooo safe, placing their fate in the hands of one who's afraid of girls. "If you called me fat I'd do this!" Amy pulled a cord and promptly blew up.


	6. Subplot! More Searching for the Mascara!

Chapter 6: Subplot! The Search for the Mascara!

Cool Fact #6: (Yeah, I know the last chapter says that it has the cool fact #6. But be fooled not! For this is the real cool fact $6--oops, dollar sign. Not that you give a hoot, anyway.) It is illegal to pee on the Alamo. This law was put in place because Ozzy Osbourne did it. --;; Go him… I guess. Ugh. If it had been some regular drunken Joe, I doubt we would have this law down here.

Now our blue blur, the apotheosis of aplomb, was screaming, scared out of his mind, thinking that his crush was now just a stump of smoldering cinders and burnt hair for physical anthropologists to study. But after a moment or two the gray smoke that had emanated from what he had assumed was Amy's flaming body cleared enough so that he would tell it was just a wooden scarecrow made out of popsicle sticks. He could still make out the smudged remains of some of the jokes written on some of the wooden sticks and wondered why they tried to make the youth of (insert country here) eat ink with their popsicles before the flames licked them away, and the whole ensemble collapsed. Amy herself was sprawled on the floor just a few feet away.

"In retrospect," she coughed, "I probably should have run away while you were distracted, and not breathed in so many fumes."

"Amy!" Sonic fled to his forsaken love's side. "What happened? Where did you get so many popsicle sticks?"

"Your mom," joked Amy. Sonic glared. "Alright, alright… so I got them from the plothole fairy."

"Plothole fairies like popsicles?" Sonic wondered in amazement. "I thought that plothole fairies, being small mammals, dined mostly on bugs such as beetles, and donned the beetle shells as spiffy hats."

"Those are _African _plothole fairies. We're talking about _Asian _plothole fairies." Amy glared. "Everyone knows that Asian plothole fairies adore popsicles!"

"But what does that have to do with the price of tea in China?" Sonic pondered. "And how much _does _tea in China cost, anyway? And how does it compare economically to the price of tea in the U.K.? And if a ninja falls in a forest, does he make a sound?"

"I think the readers are getting annoyed that we're off topic."

"Right then." Amy stood up. "You never saw me, okay?"

"But Amy…" Sonic's green eyes shone with concern. "I… I love you."

Amy shrugged this declaration of inFATuation off. "Sorry, Sonic." The pink hedgehog smiled. "A year ago, I probably would've been thrilled. But now… well, I'm engaged."

"But we're in our teens. How can you be engaged?"

Amy shrugged again. "It's a medieval thing," she stated simply, as if that explained everything. "I've got to go." Amy touched Sonic's cheek with her hand affectionately.

"…Why are you touching my cheek?" Sonic wanted to know.

"Eh, Iunno." Amy shrugged. "Sayonara… Sonic… the—"

"Don't you even quote that, girl," Sonic said, glaring. "You come up with your own original stuff, y'hear?"

Amy rolled her eyes. "Ok. …_Bye_."

"Ooh," Sonic taunted, "that's fresh material!"

Amy rolled her eyes again. The pink hedgehog then started to do back handsprings. Sonic watched her. She was headed towards a wall. Suddenly, she twisted around, and started running as fast as she could. She ran straight up the wall to a high window, which she grabbed and jumped out, screaming,

"I forgot to install the trampoliiiiiine!"

Sonic shrugged again. He turned to leave, but suddenly he was facing off against a bat.

-

"I miss Sonic," Tails complained.

"We all do, Tails, we all do," Shadow assured him, patting his friend on the back, repulsed by the whole situation. Tails was so distressed that his idol hadn't returned yet, that he had collapsed on the couch, placed his head against Shadow's shoulder, and started to cry. And so Shadow was stuck there, unable to reach the popcorn he had been munching on. The whole thing was unmanly. This was disgusting.

"He'll never come baaaaaaack!" Tails wailed.

"Oh, he will…" _He better. _Shadow said a silent prayer, his hands sticking together because of the bubblegum that had gotten caught on his fur when he'd dug through the sofa's filthy cushions to find the remote. (Deep breath.)

-

Rouge was in the machinery complex. Here, large titans made of screws and gears clinked, clanked, and clunked while making robotic parts. Right now, the machine's functions were to make the commonplace droids that frequented Eggman's hideouts. Since DELTA and OMEGA were seemingly nowhere to be found, Eggman had sent her to check out a small blip in the mechanization, a small failure occurring somewhere in the large, large room, that she was supposed to find.

"I don't understand anything in this room," she groused. "I have no idea what's goin' on here…"

All of the machines were the same metallic blue color, polished so much by the lowly drudgery-bots that Rouge could see her reflection in the machines. Dang. She should've worn more make-up. Her fur was getting a bit off-white; she probably needed a bath. But the leg hairs Eggman left in the shower… eeeeeew. Maybe she could cover it up with a little base.

The machines were spaced close together, with only enough room in-between from one Eggman-sized person. Rouge was skipping down these "hallways" like a ninny, when suddenly she stopped short, turned, and began speaking into a speaker hung on the side of a large machine made of bathroom tiles.

"Patty cake, patty cake, baker's man… bake me a cake as fast as you can!" she recited. _Ding. _A dark chocolate cake fell into a slot in the machine, packaged in plastic and cardboard. Rouge licked her lips and grabbed it.

-

"Rouge?" Sonic assumed, although the blue blur was definitely confused. It _looked _like Rouge… same cheeky grin, same facial structure. But this bat's wings were a light blue color, and her eyes were an eery red color—not crimson, but more the color of a dark blood puddle.

"Hiya!" The bat flapped her wings. A powder blue fanny pack bumped against her side with every flap of her wings. Soon she was hovering a foot of the ground. "I'm Bleue!"

"Who?"

"Mike Jones!" squeaked the bat. "I mean—my name is Bleue. I'm a cousin of your friend Rouge's, and I need to tell you something important."

Sonic stepped back instinctively. The bat had a horribly insane look on her face. She was… dare we say it… _batty. _Sonic wasn't even sure he'd ever seen Rouge's mouth stretch that far (except for the time she ate a triple hamburger at that fast food joint).

"What is it?" the fastest animal alive asked. "Is Rouge okay?"

"No," Bleue said. "She's been kidnapped by Eggman and forced to marry him!"

"Ew. Well, don't worry. I'll stop the wedding!" Sonic said, pointing a gloved finger in the air with resolve.

"They alright got married," Bleue replied patiently.

"Double ew! Married?" Sonic spat on the ground, trying to get the taste of the m-word out of his mouth. "Well… I'll find a good divorce lawyer!"

"I think she's been brainwashed," Bleue said. "Also, Rouge sent me a Neomail from Eggman's Neopets account, and she sad that one of her friends had… died."

Sonic stopped short. _"D…Died?" _he whispered.

Bleue nodded. "So to speak, it said. 'Someone dear to me just died, so to speak.' So I'm assuming that means they're dead and that there's no hope of saving anyone."

Sonic just stared at this strange girl. He was silent for a very long time.

"…You have a zit on your ear," he said finally.

"…Shut up spiky boy," the bat retorted. "Anyway, there's an _Oprah _special on tomorrow, so I can't save her. So I leave it up to you…" the bat let her voice trail off. "Will you save her?"

"…Can I have some of your mascara first?" Sonic asked. Bleue gave him an odd look. "It's not for me," he added hastily, "but it's for a friend of mine who's into that goth stuff."

"…Weirdo," Bleue said accusingly, obviously not believing him, even as she revealed a small black container of the O-so-holy mascara.

"Thanks," Sonic said. "I'll return this to you when I save Rouge."

Bleue glared at him. "You better save her fast, then, buddy, 'cuz that's the only mascara I got. …I guess I could just borrow from a friend, but they'd get annoyed with me after a while," she added thoughtfully.

"That's the ticket," Sonic encouraged. He turned around, took a few steps away from the bat girl, soaked in what he'd just learned. A second later, he spun around, a large grin on his face.

"Don't worry! I'll save Rouge!" Sonic declared triumphantly, before speeding off like a beam of light out of the warehouse and down the dusty streets.

"Wait," Bleue called softly, "I didn't tell you where Eggman is…"


End file.
